(This is a re-post from September of 2008)
My neighbor, Jai, got himself a new dog. He named him Duke. I figure I'm one lucky fellow to be living next door to a guy from Mumbai who digs his adopted country enough to name his dog after the actor who single-handedly won World War II without ever leaving Hollywood. Cool dog. Just make sure he takes care of business on the other side of the fence, neighbor.
I like dogs, had a couple as a kid and made sure that we were a doggy family when my girls were growing up, but can't say that I want another one. Oh sure, dogs are all over you with that unconditional love and affection (not to mention drool), but they're so damn needy. Ron Rosen, a columnist for the New York Observer, says "The love of a dog means nothing. Zero. Dogs are the slavering sycophants, the slobbering indiscriminate flatterers, the boot lickers, the pathetic transparent brown-nosers of the domestic animal kingdom." They are "an easy lay emotionally." He is right! Mans' best friend? When was the last time your "best friend" pulled the pin on an ass grenade in your backyard?
Nope, no more dogs in my life. Like elephants, they're fun to look at but you wouldn't want to own one.
Cats, I loathe. Always have. The girls had two of them when they were around and both "Murray" and "Satchel" hated my guts. The good news was that they would actually leave the room when I would enter. Perhaps that's how they made it to kitty old age. A friend of mine, "Willie the Moff", used to have a regular zoo at his house. There were dogs, cats, even horses that cost him a small fortune to maintain. Several years ago one of his cats needed some veterinary attention because of an abscessed tooth. Willie, being a man of thrifty Midwest ways, refused the vet's recommendation of a sedative for the cat prior to the necessary tooth extraction. "The Moff" elected to hold the cat steady while the doc pulled the tooth. No sense in paying the extra fifty smackers to send Sylvester to La La land while the creature was in pain. The cat starred malevolently at his master on the car ride home, no doubt plotting his revenge. Shortly after returning to "Moff Manor" the still hurting feline left a steaming pile of cat disrespect in the Moff's newly purchased leather briefcase. Cats are like that.
I see no pets in my future. Too much trouble. Even fish have a hassle quotient I am unwilling to put up with. Turtles might be alright. If they croak on you, you've got a dandy looking ashtray. If you don't smoke, I've got nothin' for you. A chicken could be fun. We all know who to call if that doesn't work out.
My neighbor, Jai, got himself a new dog. He named him Duke. I figure I'm one lucky fellow to be living next door to a guy from Mumbai who digs his adopted country enough to name his dog after the actor who single-handedly won World War II without ever leaving Hollywood. Cool dog. Just make sure he takes care of business on the other side of the fence, neighbor.I like dogs, had a couple as a kid and made sure that we were a doggy family when my girls were growing up, but can't say that I want another one. Oh sure, dogs are all over you with that unconditional love and affection (not to mention drool), but they're so damn needy. Ron Rosen, a columnist for the New York Observer, says "The love of a dog means nothing. Zero. Dogs are the slavering sycophants, the slobbering indiscriminate flatterers, the boot lickers, the pathetic transparent brown-nosers of the domestic animal kingdom." They are "an easy lay emotionally." He is right! Mans' best friend? When was the last time your "best friend" pulled the pin on an ass grenade in your backyard?
Nope, no more dogs in my life. Like elephants, they're fun to look at but you wouldn't want to own one.
Cats, I loathe. Always have. The girls had two of them when they were around and both "Murray" and "Satchel" hated my guts. The good news was that they would actually leave the room when I would enter. Perhaps that's how they made it to kitty old age. A friend of mine, "Willie the Moff", used to have a regular zoo at his house. There were dogs, cats, even horses that cost him a small fortune to maintain. Several years ago one of his cats needed some veterinary attention because of an abscessed tooth. Willie, being a man of thrifty Midwest ways, refused the vet's recommendation of a sedative for the cat prior to the necessary tooth extraction. "The Moff" elected to hold the cat steady while the doc pulled the tooth. No sense in paying the extra fifty smackers to send Sylvester to La La land while the creature was in pain. The cat starred malevolently at his master on the car ride home, no doubt plotting his revenge. Shortly after returning to "Moff Manor" the still hurting feline left a steaming pile of cat disrespect in the Moff's newly purchased leather briefcase. Cats are like that.
I see no pets in my future. Too much trouble. Even fish have a hassle quotient I am unwilling to put up with. Turtles might be alright. If they croak on you, you've got a dandy looking ashtray. If you don't smoke, I've got nothin' for you. A chicken could be fun. We all know who to call if that doesn't work out.
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