Does This Quarantine Make Me Look Fat?

Let's see...

What's on the schedule today?  I made my bed, threw some jeans in the wash, read the paper, watched the market crash a little more, had a snack, attempted a walk and now it must be time for a nap or perhaps another snack.  This virus hunker down hoedown is proving to be a hotbed of excitement.  

I returned from a trip to San Diego a week ago on a plane so bereft of passengers that the sky waitress (sorry, that's what they are) kept offering me nuts, sandwiches, booze which I can no longer drink, and a running commentary on just how screwed the airline industry is because of this Corona thing.  Fortunately, I remembered my charm lessons and just nodded my head while trying to guess her weight.  I recall these defense mechanisms from my days of being married.

Come fly with me!

It was snowing lightly when we touched down in the still winterized Northwest and I confess that it was difficult to readjust my warmed up California candyass to the new reality of northern latitudes.  So, now it's officially Spring, still cold and, thanks to this viral gift from China, I, like every other "at-risk" old cat am confined to quarters and going rapidly insane.  My reading, to include magazines with subscriptions thought to have expired long ago, books, newspapers and cereal boxes, is nearly complete and I would be remiss not mention the ton of lousy TV that has been foisted upon my eyeballs.  Aaeeeiiiiiiiii!!!  I'm not certain if I can take much more.  Maybe another snack?

I live alone so the phone is my friend.  Getting in touch with people you've neglected for a decade or two is probably a good thing, though conversation falters after "how are you holding up?"  It's good to check on the kids.  They HAVE to talk to you even though they're busy.  Most of my married friends stopped speaking to each other a week ago and I'm certainly grateful not to be dealing with one of those steel cage matrimonial deathmatches.  I smell a divorce boom coming when this all shakes out. Have your lawyers on speed dial.  On the other hand, a baby boom looms for the newlywed set.)

Hmmm, it must be time to get the mail.  Whoops, just walked passed the mirror and am pretty sure I saw the Michelin Man.  It's time to lose the sodas, candy, and chips!  From now on it'll be protein snacks and vegetables!  On second thought, we are in a crisis here and this may be the last chance to really enjoy fun food before checking into the silk-lined horizontal Hilton. No sense kidding ourselves.  Costco has a deal on those relaxed fit chinos anyway.  Now, where did I put that jumbo bag of Cheetos?

Good luck to all my senior citizen incarcerated contemporaries.  Stay well, continue snacking, couch surfing, fighting, and snacking some more.  After all, what if the Hokey Pokey really is what it's all about?