Little Drummer Boy

(This is a re-post from 2013, my last Christmas in California.)

At the gym this morning I was happy to be among my own kind as we grown-ups fought fiercely to beat back the tide of holiday blubber recently launched into orbit around our expanding equatorial region.  It's useless I realize to even attempt a return to moderation at this point when New Year calories are waiting to ambush us with the sobering realities of adipose tissue, but I try.

Let there be drums!!

Gone are the days when two or three pieces of Christmas pie didn't mandate a next morning shoehorn for pulling on pants.  These days every delicious morsel of good time dining packs its bags to find a home in the dunes of my jeans.  Exercise is required if I want to be around to celebrate another Christmas and make ready for an attack on a new year.  It's a slap in the face from Father Time.

This year I was treated to the look on the face of daughter Katie and her husband Doug as their boy found a new drum kit from his Aunt Kelly under their tree.  Danny kicked off what promises to be an especially noisy new year around their house with an impromptu concert on the new skins.  I predict the kid will be the next Buddy Rich, but then I did leave early.

Santa was good to my one and only grandson.  He's a lucky four-year-old lad who, I'm proud to say, remains remarkably unspoiled.  Today we are set to play in the snow at Legoland.  Snow, to a kid from Southern California, is something to get excited about.  My Midwestern memories of snowsuits, mittens, boots, and runny noses have no meaning for Dan so he can barely wait to hit the slush pile of machine groomed white stuff at his favorite theme park.

So, if you need me today, I'm afraid I'll be "on the slopes" at Mt. Lego attempting to re-think my attitude about frozen rain and its capacity to entertain.  Perhaps a four-year-old can turn around a committed snow grump of more than sixty years.  To my surprise, this grandpa gig gets better every day.  It's an opportunity that doesn't knock on every man's door.  In my case, it leans on the doorbell.  I'll bet I won't even need gloves.

"Come on Gramps, I'm ready for some snow!"

Art Lovers, This Is For YOU!

Classy artwork on display

If you love art (see above) and are ready to be the first on your block to follow the trail blazed by famed Miami art collectors Billy and Beatrice Cox who recently set the art world buzzing with their $120,000 purchase of the much talked about work, "Comedian", from artist Maurizio Cattelan, this, my friends, is for you!

"We knew we were taking a risk, but ultimately we sensed that Cattelan's banana will become an iconic historical object," said the Coxes.  They continued, "When we saw the public debate "Comedian" sparked about art and our society, we decided to purchase it."  As all art lovers know, it's hard to argue with that kind of twisted crack-brained thinking.* NOW is the time to get on board!  Show your friends and neighbors just how art savvy you are by taking advantage of this once in a lifetime offer.

For a limited time only, the Copper Gallery is prepared to offer you the same conceptual and outstanding piece of REAL ART for just $999.  You read that correctly, JUST $999!!  You'll receive your very own banana and six inches of high-quality duct tape for a mere $999**.  Hard to believe, but absolutely true! Send your cash, check. or money order today! (Sorry, no COD.)
Call now!  Operators are standing by.
Hurry!  This is a limited time offer.

*This fantastic piece was later eaten by performance artist David Datuna.

**Not responsible for spoilage, bruises or other crap that happens in shipping.
(Also no liability accepted for performance artists who may eat the banana.)

Happy merry operator Otto

Quality control expert Bernice

'Tis The Season

Like a tsunami, another Christmas rolls relentlessly toward we adults while, to children, it creeps with the patience and determination of a glacier.  Like most important transitions of human life these perceptions evolve while we are otherwise occupied.  One day we're a kid in a loaded diaper drooling and laughing at the pretty lights on the tree and the next we're old.  The good news is that memories of Yuletides past live on like roses in the snow.

If you're old enough to have grown children and maybe a grandchild or two, then you also recall the much simpler Christmases of youth.  The dog-eared Sears catalog left where your parents could see the wonders of that Barbie dollhouse or the beyond cool Mattel nearly real looking submachine gun that was precisely like the one John Wayne wielded in the Sands of Iwo Jima, batteries not included.  School was out and the extra homework the teacher had assigned could surely wait until after Christmas.  There would be plenty of time to tackle that drudgery in the days before the new year.  It was time to goof off with your friends, build snow forts, and anticipate the fun you would soon be having with the loot that Santa and your parents would shower upon you.  Of course, all of that depended on the economy.  In the '50s and '60s, credit cards weren't in abundance and ready to prop up a lifestyle or Christmas a family could ill afford.  Debt was for serious purchases like houses and cars, not discretionary items such as toys and fancy food.  If the economy was in the tank because of a strike or other circumstances, then the glue and macaroni, pipe cleaner and clay projects lovingly cobbled together in school would have to play a larger role in the festivities.  Most of us had a few of those holidays.

As young adults, we gravitated toward different presents like furniture and other necessities required of our new household which often contained small children.  Christmastime was beginning to move at a faster clip as our responsibilities increased. We came to appreciate the season more as we viewed it through the eyes of our children.  There was magic in the air.

One day, almost without notice, we no longer had children in the home and thoughts turned to whether or not to bother with decorations this year and more toward where to spend the holidays. The "kids", now adults, became impossible to buy for, so we didn't.  A check for what seemed to us to be a lot of money,  to them probably not much at all, goes in a Christmas card and the shopping is done.  Who knows what they really want anyway and, face it, you haven't been in style for eons.  Christmas got simpler.

Just as it is with most of life, this rotation from the simple Christmas of a toddler to the rabid almost manic Christmas of a child is gone in a nanosecond.  Nearly as fast is the Christmas season of young parents enjoying the beauty of what they once had through a different lens, the eyes of their children.  We Boomers now enjoy the privilege of seeing the holiday at a slower pace not only through our children but now, if we're lucky, through our grandchildren and that may be the best Christmas present of all. 

 So here's to this time of year and the joy it brings.  Hold it close and dear for in what will seem only an instant we may once again be in a diaper drooling and smiling at the pretty lights.

Grandson, Dan, at age 5 looking for Santa on Santa Claus Island.

   

"Ahoy, it's Santa!"

"I wonder if I'm on the nice list?"